Friday, February 10, 2017

So. Much. Fury.

Humans are probably the dumbest 'intelligent beings' this side of the Centauri system. Our wasted sentience is only outmatched by our total disregard for the fact that we are sentient. Most days, I feel as though opposable thumbs are entirely wasted on 99% of homosapiens.

I went to the Chaffetz Town Hall this evening.

Yeah, I know. You don't have to say it. I expected it to be rowdy, but I assumed that the other self-aggrandizing internet liberals would at least formulate somewhat coherent arguments that possibly resembled an overall goal.

I was so, so wrong.

What I ended up with was a splitting migraine and an animalistic urge to start swinging my fists at throat-level while exiting the building. Instead, I rolled my rage into a tiny ball, stuffed it behind my eyes and made a beeline for my vehicle while breathing in a 1-2-1 pattern to avoid spontaneous combustion. Can I.. Can I just say something real fast? WHAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU POTATOES?!

If you want to see what's wrong with democracy, just wander into any political meeting these days and stand there for ten minutes. If the current speaker doesn't incite a riot, just whisper 'Trump' into the air and wait for the hair to fly (or the sky to fall). Tonight was a warped version of that, but push the 'naïveté' dial into the red zone, drop the 'general world awareness' bass all the way down and let that fat lady sing: you'll have a rough estimate of how I spent my Thursday evening.

Now, I don't mind a good 'boo'. I'm not going to begrudge anyone of that oh-so-satisfying pleasure, nor will I respect someone any less for a well-timed and overwhelming show of disgust and disapproval. But after one long, loud 'boo', it tends to lose its weight for about sixty minutes. Even the ghostbusters knew they had to stretch the ghoulish antics out in order to avoid saturation -- it just doesn't hold the same appeal after a while. Nobody in that room seemed to understand the art of the boo, nor much of anything at all, if we're being honest. From talking and shouting over each other to bandwagon-ing on the 'Answer the question!' demand, there was too much rage.

I am the queen of the rage.

If I'm saying that there was too much rage, it means that the rageometer is broken and the world is exploding. Hell, I've build a brand on rage. But you can't rage all the time. You can't even rage most of the time, because the effect of the rage wears off. You have to mix it with some humor, a dash of actual threat and a solid dose of really terrifying facts. Nobody can rage all the time... Not even me. While I generally try to avoid giving away the illusions behind my rage magic, this seems to be a really important time. Listen carefully:

Politicians don't care about your rage. Business people (real business people) don't give a damn about your anger. They don't listen to your screams, they're not vulnerable to your shouts and cries, and they do not give a single fuck about all the tantrums in the world. Here's the other secret: tantrums make great press. Fits of rage are the single best headline-stealer in all of news history. THE BIBLE HAS STORIES ABOUT JESUS THROWING PEOPLE OUT OF A TEMPLE, okay? So they get headlines. But a tantrum must have something dangerous behind it in order to do any good. A fit must contain an element of strategy that holds attention much longer than a headline or a news cast.

Politicians don't care about your tantrums. They throw them all day, everyday. It's called 'grandstanding', and they are the masters. This is their role, on their stage, in their stadium. Your tantrums, while sincere, do not matter.

Do you want to know what scares these people? I'll give you a hint: it has something to do with speaking softly and a something, something "big stick".

Here's one more teaser: if you set the bar at one height to accomplish one thing, the bar cannot stay at that height to accomplish an entirely different thing. Throwing tantrums is great. But the allure of a tantrum fades, and if you won't speak softly, you'll become what is known as a 'blowhard'.

You must speak softly at exactly the right time.

We did not speak softly at the right time tonight. We did more of what we've been doing, and what half the country is mocking us for: throwing fits.

Few facts were presented tonight. The reasonable, data-based questions were nearly nonexistent  and there was very little specificity in demands or in theme.

Add to that the antagonizing that Rep. Chaffetz did with his DeVos question, the 'I like ________" statements. He was baiting those in attendance, and they took the bait.

Hook, line, sinker.

There was no solidarity. There was zero organization. There seemed to be little awareness of the policies on the table and almost no discussion of how they affected Utahns. There wasn't a SINGLE mention of the economy. Now, I don't know about you all, but my rent doesn't get paid by some magic fairy in the sky. Money matters. And to the people in that room tonight, they seemed very unconcerned by how bad policies affected both humans and economics.

Know thy enemy.

You want to beat the opposition? Know what they want. Figuring out what someone wants is the easiest way to control them. Do you know what Chaffetz wants?

A senate seat.

How do we control that? By not screaming at him, but exposing his economic failures that also happen (cough, cough) to affect human beings, too. You don't just scream about the wall. You ask what the wall will cost. Where will that money come from? What will the US lose with an immigration ban? What benefits do we currently get from the countries on that list?

Big picture thinking, folks.

I sat in that auditorium while people around me leapt to their feet and shrieked incomprehensible demands at him; hundreds of people shouting aggressively about whatever pissed them off at that moment. They didn't just interrupt him, either: they interrupted each other. Whether it was shouts of "answer the question!" or cheers for something they liked, it wasn't a controlled demand from one person saying "Answer the question, representative." It was a mob.

Like it or not, unless we change things, we will continue to be forced to defend ourselves from the 'paid protestor' lies because people don't know what to believe. The easiest way to solve that? Cut it off at the pass. We stop giving them something to lie about.

Be aggressive, but be easy about it. Lure them into a friendly interaction as though we're on their side, then go for the political jugular. The best trap? Open with a smile, thank them for coming and then bring them to their knees with facts. Not with shouts or screams, but with words and strategy. With forceful personal stories that demand to be heard... And not just to be heard by Chaffetz. But by the media, by other politicians, with stories and facts so strong that they speak to other people across the country.

There is a time to scream and shout. You wanna do that? Go protest. A town hall is not it. Whether you like it or not, people will stop listening the more you scream. If you need therapy through shouting, go somewhere else. But stop acting like your screams scare these people. They don't fear you. They fear people who can beat them at their own game.

They terrify people who acknowledge them, give them what they want, speak softly...

And then you create a diversion.

You organize. You have one group throwing a small tantrum on one side of the room, and the other half of that group sitting silently, waiting to ask questions that hammer away at policies, at facts, at the damage done by this individual.

Stop thinking small picture. You want progress? Fight for it.

You want change? Be willing to outsmart everyone else.

You want noise? Stop focusing on the noise and think about the end-game.

What is your goal? Work the puzzle backwards.

And then stop ruining these fucking meetings.