Monday, September 26, 2016

I'm Coming Out...

I've an admission to make: I have been ashamed of who I am. 

BUT NO MORE! Today, I announced my undying love to the world, consequences be damned! If it's estrogen that makes me feel this way, so be it. If it's the beautiful autumn weather, crunchy fall leaves, or scent of wood smoke in the air, I will acquiesce. 

I love pumpkin pie spice with all of my soul. 

It's gotten a bad rap over the last few years as Starbucks has, essentially, glossed over what exactly it IS in that wonderful flavored coffee-type of drink (coffee is black... And that's a different matter entirely), but PUMPKIN PIE SPICE IS MY LIFE. I don't really love pumpkins, either, which is a great thing because pumpkin pie spice has nothing to do with fucking pumpkins. 

It's simply a beautiful combination of delightful spices that, when added to anything (or even just snorted when one is running short on time), makes the eyes twinkle and the sun shine. It's what gives car commercials their 'oomph' in the fall, it's what makes decomposing leaves smell so wonderful (because hello, those are just some dead plants, folks) and it makes kitchen everywhere smell like a page right out of Martha Stewart's most recent release, 'How To Be Awesome And Not Kill People'. 

I know these things because I have secretly and selfishly hoarded them to my pastry-making self for too long, and now I am unveiling my closeted love for Pumpkin Pie Spice in a desperate hope that everyone, everywhere will rush to get some of their own super-secret fairy elixir. 

Pumpkin Pie Spice is the unicorn dust for food. Don't like meatloaf? PUMPKIN PIE SPICE. Despise salads? Throw summa that magic right on top. Can't cook, just lost your boyfriend/dog/house? PUMPKIN PIE SPICE CAN FIX THAT. No, it's not 'pumpkin spice'. I don't even know what the shit that means. Pumpkin Pie Spice is what we put in pumpkin pies, but someone much smarter and efficient than I decided to make large batches and put it in tiny little jars (pretty sure their last name is McCormick) in order to make a baker's life much, much easier. 

What's in it? 

BEHOLD: 


"Wait, that's it?"

Yeah, that's it. Notice how there's no pumpkin anywhere? 

Good. Now i'ma go get me some nice black coffee to drizzle over this here pile of fun.