Sunday, April 17, 2016

It's Motherfucking Road Cycling, Guys.

Recently, there's been a hubbub of noise and chaos in the road cycling world around a possible knee injury due to a disc brake meeting said knee. 

Because of this insanity (along with a highly comedic Twitter situation with someone... Who uses... Disc brakes?), and my penchant for enraged blathering, I present to you: 


Listen, kids. Y'all are riding around in the textile equivalent of underwear, you're infamous as the sport with the doping problem (despite Barry Bonds' existence) and you've had multiple riders be injured by race vehicles in the last year during world tours. 

REALLY?! You sons of bitches are crazier than a pack of crack-addled squirrels. You rock around town, weaving in and out of traffic with nary an eye cast towards the risks you're running with your LIVES. You're world-renown for recently adopting helmets (okay, in the last 20 years) whilst plowing across cobblestones in the rain with nothing but rim brakes and 'special' carbon pads?! Oh for the love of God...

You fuckers are tough. I might be a mediocre DHer, but there is no way I'd climb back on a goddamn bike after eating shit going 50mph down a windy canyon road and grinding off one of my ass cheeks. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY RACES I'VE WATCHED where one of you peels yourselves off the pavement with Lycra (attached to some skin) flapping in the wind, only to get back on that contraption that just pancaked them?! 

Now THAT is ballsy. 

You've overcome engines in seat tubes, you survived Pat McQuaid, you're fighting for your lives out there and everyone is whining over the possibility of getting hurt due to unproven theories about disc brakes?! 


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