Sunday, June 9, 2013

"To Thine Own Self Be True"...

Tonight in the shower as I'm mid-hair washing with suds up to my elbows and a face full of water while reflecting on the day's events, I was hit with a small, short, random thought: "To thine own self be true."  It hit me like a freaking bus and now, instead of sleeping and chugging water in preparation for my regularly-scheduled, Monday morning ass kicking, I'm laying here in bed trying to organize my thoughts into something more substantial than a jumble of words and questions and airy curiosity.

The above phrase brings with it more questions than answers and, plagued with musings of the soulful type, I want to get them down on (virtual) paper... Bear with me. 

I was met with some... shall we say, interpersonal conflict this evening that I'm not entirely sure I dealt with properly. First of all, why do we, as humans, go for the low blow in the midst of an emotional battle with someone we love? Secondly, how does one maintain sanity and utilize logic when emotions are running high? Thirdly, why isn't telling someone else to "shut up and let me finish" as effective (or immediate) as I would like it to be? 

As much as I wish I was joking about this particular spat (and more importantly, its origination), I'm not and it's creating a metal constipation of the apocalyptic sort. How does one stick to one's guns, if you will, while still embodying kindness and compassion, as well as respect? How does one validate another's emotions while demanding they respect one's own? Is that fair, that expectation of equal rights? The equal right of respect; the 'yes, you may feel one thing (and I understand that, and I'm sorry), but you may not dismiss my emotions or disrespect my feelings, as they do exist and are just as real to me as yours are to you' statement. Is this logical? Or am I completely insane? Where does kindness come in? Kindness to oneself, kindness to another? Compassion, understanding, apologies, but still maintaining one's honesty... Standing one's ground, per say. Do the kindness and compassion lie in acknowledging the other's feelings? Diffusing the situation to talk about it? Or is it looking at the entire argument or even the relationship and taking stock of where one stands in the midst of these issues? What happens when the idea of being alone is an easier answer than tolerating shit? Does one abandon all hope for said relationship, throw one's hands in the air (or bury their face in said hands) and quit? Where do one turn when one arrives at the crossroads between being loved and changing the world? 

Heavy thoughts. 

How much of gaining respect from another person is actually earning it versus demanding it (and not tolerating anything less)? Is walking away actually required? What about when it pertains to one's dreams, one's emotions... One's very sense of self? Are relationships (romantic, friendship, familial, etc) possible when trying to focus on certain pursuits? Am I asking too many questions?  

"To thine own self be true." Is it a cornerstone of happiness and achievement and success or a path towards despair, trouble and heartache?

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