Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Only after disaster can we be resurrected...

Today I found something out the hard way:

Some people are good, others are mean and the rest are just plain damn crazy.

Over the last few weeks I've seemed to be taking the proper steps to true happiness and success and today was a devastating reminder of how far I still must go in order to be true to myself, and never has that been more clear than this afternoon as my mind spun with horror and excuses and "NOT ME!"s. My different sides were at war; one side was all for sacrificing anything in my way and doing whatever I had to do in order to survive financially. Another side was resilient and sad, but willing to scrape together my pride and self-respect in order to sleep at night. What was this destructive event spurring my emotive transport back in time?

Well, I got fired.

It was pleasant, I think. I assume that employment termination can get much nastier than mine did, and I feel blessed. It was a simple, "Yadda yadda yadda... and you realize what this means, yes?" conversation and I caught onto the principle fairly quickly that my dreams of a second chance in life had just been doused in gasoline and set afire by an unknowing and sweet HR representative. Did I cry?

OHHHH YEAH. It wasn't a sobbing plea, or a single delicate tear, but somewhere in the middle. It came and went like a summer rainstorm where it quickly clouds up, pours moisture and then clears again.... All within a ten minute time period.

Why did I get fired? Oh well... Yes, I suppose you deserve to know. I failed to disclose a criminal history on my application and a certain 'someone' (that no one will tell me the name of) went and tattled on me that I did indeed have a few skeletons in the closet. It's my fault for not trusting in the goodness of humanity and at the same time, truly believing that no one would want to hurt me. I got hurt, I got in trouble and I was fired. But the funniest thing about it, I think?

I don't have to work on Christmas.

Will I be broke as fuck and having a miserable, gift-less Christmas because of no full-time job? Yes. But will I be spending that miserable time with the ones I love most? ABSOLUTELY. What is there not to love? And hey, whoever said paid training is overrated, they were certainly wrong. I have a new skill set, a new resolve, and a reason to succeed... Just because I can.

I'm okay, really. Life goes on, I screw up regularly and I doubt that will ever change.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Acute Happiness Overload...

September and October have been interesting months, to say the least. I returned from a business trip at the beginning of September to find out my blood work had returned mostly clean, semi-healthy and getting stronger every day. I felt great; strong, healthy and happy. I have been shedding fat through my cardio and weight training regimens, followed closely by regular yoga and it has been regulating my blood sugar and white blood cell counts in ways that drugs and hospital visits never did.

Two weeks after a successful trip, a great work weeks and healthy habits, Brian proposed and we set a date, two years out from the 26th of September (the anniversary of when we met). Our parents were overjoyed, I was a little punch drunk and Brian and I both began planning furiously while we looked at rings, houses and furniture... Although all of the celebration was fun and included a ski movie premier and a good friend's birthday party, it was premature: Our lease on our apartment is up and we're looking for a new place.

While frustratingly difficult, it's beginning to teach me things I have never really understood up to this point.

- Money is really, really, really useful.
- Bills suck.
- Health issues suck balls.
- Very rarely, we find someone who makes us so happy we couldn't imagine living without them and we rejoice everyday when we wake up next to them.

That last realization is the most important part. For a pessimistic asshole who believed that love was for the weak minded, I sure did fall hard.

Totally abstract post... Let's spell random!