Sunday, May 17, 2009

"not another one!"

okay, here's the thing: stop fucking expecting me to be perfect, okay? 

i try, i struggle, and then i always end up failing at that stupid game. no, i don't want your problems. no, i cannot fix you...and NO, i won't love you for who you could be one day, dammit. i'm not someone who cares about everyone in the world. i'm not even someone who cares about everyone i know. the only people i love, get loved by me. the people i don't care about get shafted, shamelessly used, stepped on, beaten down and then used again. yeah, i'm shallow. get fucking used to it. i'm not going to be your role model of what's expected, okay? i have good days and bad days, just like everyone else. sometimes i swear in church and wear mismatched socks and drool when i sleep. i'll piss you off and grin, just because i enjoy getting a reaction out of someone. so don't tell me that you thought i was a good person, because we both know that's a bunch of bullshit -- you saw that i was an emotionally dangerous shithead and you LOVED it, which is why we first became friends. i'm not super attractive or a fabulous dresser or wealthy or extremely smart or nice or even very funny (c'mon, i laugh at my own jokes) why stick around? hell if i know -- you're the one who insists on it. so don't tell me that i don't care or that i'm selfish or that i have too much shit to do. I KNOW, GODDAMMIT; i know, alright? i'm taking care of it, and part of learning about life is learning that people aren't always who you think they are. and yeah, it sucks, but shit happens. i try to be as cool as possible, but at the end of the day? i'm just me and that's pretty damn rad. so you sit here and think about that.

the moral of this particular rant? stop pretending you're perfect and stop wanting someone who is.

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