Sunday, May 17, 2009

Country Western Ballads

Ah, it's been a few days, things have changed -- it's time for another blog, folks! I've been thinking about country western songs...(no, not the one about losing his dog, the tractor, his woman or that old trailer)...the live like you were dyin' one. Depressing as fuck, I know, but once you get past the depressing and into the humorous morbidity of life, it's pretty goddamn funny. I mean, most of us are just spinning our wheels, trying to go somewhere and be something while life slips past in the background. I'm enjoying this OCD, overachieving, "cracked-out", motivation thing I've got going on right now...by god, things do work out sometimes. Staying true to number one, keeping a sense of humor, and finding good people and better situations; I have found that life isn't so bloody hard.

And maybe some rather retarded shit really does tickle my noodle, but why shouldn't it? When I'm laughing at something, it doesn't mean I'm giving in to it or accepting anything, I'm just laughing to keep everything funny and in perspective -- stop telling me it's irreverent. Mark Twain said it best in response to an English novelist's criticism, "A discriminating irreverence is the creator and protector of all human liberty." Sometimes, ya just gotta giggle. I believe that the existence of a pain threshold is relative to how much you're laughing and living; no-holds-barred, head up, knees steady, "HOLY SHIT" kind of living. It's the type of life that won't let you die in some sterile hospital bed, surrounded by loved ones but rather, stuck like a pig in the top of an apple tree, dangling from a kite and strapped into a board after catching one wailing offshore mother and wondering "How the hell...??"

I want to get laughed at, too. If I'm being mocked or ridiculed, I must be doing something either incredibly genius that won't come to fruition until years after my untimely death, or something so stupid and foolhardy that someone else wanted to point while laughing (which will probably make their day and/or lead to my untimely death). The acceptance game everyone seems to play these days, where everyone seems desperately trying to conform to a nonconformist ideal that some narccissitic idiot has dreamed up, is played out. Why does everybody seem to think everyone has to wear the same clothes and go to the same bars and eat the same food and get the same tattoos and have the same friends, and plans, and cars, and hobbies, and 
BLAH BLAH BLAH? What's the point of living if we're playing by someone else's rules? Where's the fun in doing the same inane, boring shit we do week after week after week after week, hoping that 'when we grow up...' it will change? What crock of shit are we spoon-feeding ourselves to convince us we're fulfilled? It doesn't seem like anything gets questioned anymore; laziness has somehow been disguised as 'passion', uneducation and ignorance are condoned and EMBRACED, and hardwork has been traded or abandoned for 'connections' and 'hookups'. I would rather rely on brains, work ethic and purely awesome cahones than sell myself short. When does it stop being about all-talk and become all-action?

I will always have a book in my hand, continuously learning and spouting off useless information, but I love being me...I refuse to exemplify mediocrity and be anything less than an amazing person, just to fit in. I won't ever slow down or stop enjoying sunrises and adrenaline rushes. I will be more than a one-dimensional, needy piece of shit with a disgustingly pathetic entitlement complex. I will be more than a selfish, self-obsessed curmudgeon who is oblivious to the massive rock we live on. I have the ability to be so many different things; my brain can never get full. I will commit to creating a better future for a global society in which respect, compassion and responsibility are key elements of the human race. Giving in to a cycle of failure and fear would amount to a certain death in my book, so I'll press on in the hopes of seeing more of the world, meeting more people and being more...me. Living like we're dying isn't easy, but time is limited for all of us, so what choice do we have?