Sunday, May 17, 2009

another water, mister?

Why does everything always go really well for about twenty-four hours and then suddenly fall off the "oh fuck.." cliff and land in the "shit!" river? it feels as though life is good, there's rad energy all around and then WHAM! like a two-by-four in the face, you lose your teeth, your pants, your dignity and anything else you may have been clinging onto? just when i thought i had it all figured out and everything made sense, something can wander back into my life and unknowingly twist my guts into a big ball of nervous...guck? c'mon. what kind of shitty sense does that make? i know i'm supposed to learn a thing or two in here, but i thought i already had. y'know, the whole "live, love, lose" thing. that stupid move that i vowed never to make again; that one idiotic moment when i threw what i wanted most out the window; that "i want to look back, but i have to move forward" shit. i'm changing my life (mostly because it's do or die time right about now. ha HA), doing what i should (sort of), being a pretty decent person (sometimes) and trying to make up for the rotten antics i've pulled -- all i wanted to do was go out and dance with friends. lord knows, i should have just stayed the hell away from that scene for a little while more and i never would have known anything about anything. but one text turned into forty, one hug ended up lasting a lifetime, and the girl who never regrets a goddamn thing began to...well, regret. you know the saying that goes "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting different results"? that's what i'm trying to avoid! so i won't make any calls, i won't take anyone home, i won't play the games, tell the lies or pretend everything is okay. I won't humour the assholes, i won't play into the cliches, i won't cater to the private little gossip groups and i sure as hell won't ever do THAT again. whooooooooooooooooooops. thank god for fuckitoll, my new favourite prescription. oh sweet, darling societal detachment. who needs intimacy? who needs trust? who gives a flying fuck on a burning shitstick about loving? not me. i'll stand by and swig my water while enjoying the glorious debacle that has become SLC. "Bartender, another one of these, kind sir! And yes, I would like a steamy helping of self-revelation with some chilled hipocrisy on the side while you're at it, thanks."