Sunday, May 17, 2009

Addressing my attitude, in general.

as usual, things like this usually start with an interruption of everyday life. a disruption of the monotonous cycle. a break in our everday routine...and we collapse.

recently, i discovered that (HOLY SHIT!) i'm not liked, admired or even amusing to certain people. although i was completely (un) shocked by this extremely disturbing revelation, it left little meat to chew on in the mouth that is my mind. i know why some people ridicule me, dislike me, harrass me and hell, even downright hate me. and NEWFLASH - i'm okay with it. i'm the kind of person who can get hurt, be let down and even curb stomped (not that i recommend you try) and get right back up again. it may take say, a week or so, but oh yes, i'll eventually be back where you least expected or wanted me: in your face. even if you happened to be one of my best friends and you called me a whore and stopped talking to me, i'll get over it. people fuck up, and i'm a person too. therefore, i make mistakes. (!!!!!) yessiree, although it's truly incomprehensible, i too say stupid and idiotic things (especially when angry or drunk) and sleep with people i shouldn't and flip officers of the law off. well, the good news is: now you know. the bad news is: DEAL WITH IT. i really couldn't give a rat's ass if you like me. that's a personal problem; on your part. i'm doing what i have to do to get where i want, and if you don't like it? no apologies. 

now, don't get me wrong -- i'm not saying i hurt people on purpose. i don't slap little children on the back of the head or take a shit in the biology section at the library. i don't kill small animals or steal old peoples' walkers. yes, i'm brutally honest. yes, my clothes tend to disappear after yet another night of too much tequila, and yes, i'm definitely a bitch when i'm sleepy, hungry or PMS-ing. the only difference between me and someone who's an irritating douchebag? i know how to make things right. i can admit to being wrong, i will let you know i'm sorry, and i usually make you the most awesomest brownies. and guess what? i get out of bed every morning and i am so absolutely STOKED to be me for another day, i almost piss myself with glee. i laugh at people and i cry with people. i blow my nose, fart, burp and snore like other people. so i'm real. if that's too much for you to handle? oh well, because i have goals and ambitions and feelings and beliefs and dreams that NO ONE, not even you, can take away. there are some things so important to me that i would die for, because they're all i have left to live for, and i'm getting IT by doing IT how i think IT needs to be done. 

if you get in my way, i'll kick your fucking ass.

so go ahead and crank call me -- i'll just giggle. egg my house, it washes right off. don't return my phone calls, but tell your friends i'm a dirty whore who worships the devil and sucks my pastors penis. THAT'S OKAY! it's better than being a shitty, backstabbing asshole who uses and abuses people and far more decent than the guy who says that he'll be there no matter what and simply stops speaking to you for some petty reason. i love my family and i treat my friends right. i'm moody when i'm tired and i'm brutally honest. if i'm too busy being real for you, i'm sorry....you suck.

i can still look people in the eye; i can still look MYSELF in the eye.

and i'm okay with me. 

in the end? 

that's all that matters.