Sunday, May 17, 2009

One is the loneliest number of all, eh??

Actually, no, it's not.

I was just saying that to see how you'd react. To see if you'd disagree with me, or if you'd nod that yeah, come to think of it, one 
is the loneliest number. You've been solo before, you were thinking, and boy did that ever suck big time. Christ, remember the last time you broke up with that special someone? You puttered around the house uselessly for weeks, forgetting to shower, forgetting to eat, before finally pulling yourself together only because your friends threatened to send a search party out for you. You played "Miss You" over and over until you knew the words better than Jagger himself. How pathetic was that?

So lonely? My god, yeah. One was the loneliest number of all time.

But I don't agree with the statement at all. I was just tossing the concept out there to disprove it. Because, you know, that's what people 
want you to believe. There's a whole rotten little pack of them that want you to think that if you don't have a partner, someone to have and to hold, someone to call your own, then you're shit out of luck when it comes to being happy. I don't buy that at all.

Here is what I think: One is only as lonely as you let it be. If you've got an ounce of creativity in yourself, then one can be plenty fun. One can be a frigging five-alarm party in my opinion. Jesus, one can often make you come even better than two can. Why? Because one is 
you, and you know yourself. Tell me I'm lying if you dare. You know I'm not. You know how to touch yourself -- sure, it's always fun to have a fresh set of hands going crazy. But when the newness wears off, you're left with someone who'll never handle the merchandise as well as you can.

This is why I'm such an avid masturbator, whether I'm enchanted with some lucky son of a bitch, or whether I'm going solo style in an all-about-my-freedom phase. The truth is this: I can't keep my hands off me. That's a fact. I'm sexy as all hell. And 
that's a fact, too. I know it. I know all about how irresistible I can be....believe me. And really, I wouldn't have it any other way, because when it comes right down to the nitty gritty, it's all going to be there, right at your core, you and you alone. This way, I figure I'm more familiar with myself both mentally and physically and when it's at the worst, I'll at least have me. So yeah, call it an excuse, call it silly, call it just plain hot and bothered or whatever you want to call it. Because at least I'm being honest about it...alone or not alone.

And because one is all you need.

Loneliest number? Not by a long shot. Not even close.